Ok so today started out really rough. I got all dressed and ready to go meet the "girls" at the church to exercise. It was the first day of multiple people doing it with me. I had Emma and Maddy ready also. Well, everyone cancelled on me except Lacey so I was going to meet her after Emmas nap bc she just fell asleep. Then Colbin fell asleep so Lacey couldn't do it either. It just sucks because I have to do it while Emma is sleeping or when there are other kids to entertain her. Now I have neither so I guess I wont be doing that today. I feel icky all day if I don't work out.
Anyways, I decided that wasn't going to stop me from having a good day so I made one of my famous lists. (I get made fun of for my lists! I do them ALL the time, for EVERYTHING!) I had my chores to do for the day. It always makes things so much more productive. And productive they were!! I got a bazillion (well that might be slightly overexaggerated) things done including FILING MY TAXES!!!!! YAY ME!! That was only a large pain in the hiney. Good thing now though is I can may off some stinkin credit cards and not get charged all that interest. That reminds me, I need to cancel my appointment at Nellis AFB. I also got all the laundry done, shopping list made, budget done......and the list goes on. Im very proud of myself.
It's also Alyssas 18th Birthday today. She got kitchen stuff since she will be on her own next year.
Oh! And I got a package in the mail, and we got a LOT of books from the Books are Fun program and my moms school. They come in on Monday and I'm so excited. We only spent $90 but we got like 4 cookbooks (good Taste of Home ones), a princess playset, LOTS of Maddy books and they even had Emma books! I am so excited to pick them up. We are going to have so much fun reading!!
We went thru 2 complete batches of rice for dinner. The first one burnt so bad it practically caught fire. The second one started burning before all the water was absorbed so it was incredible mushy. I was NOT having a good rice cooking day. It didn't bother me though. :)
I did get some extremely crappy mail. Well I didn't get it, my mom did. When I started to feel upset though I decided I had a really good day and I wasn't going to let someone being a butt ruin it for me! For those of you who care to know, my best friend growing up sent my mom an invitation to her wedding. That was the crappy mail. You may not think that crappy but it is. Ill explain, she is a day older than me, we have been best friends for literally longer than i can remember, our moms are best friends, our siblings were best friends, we visited a couple times over the summer after they moved, etc. We stayed pretty close. When i got married she was one of my bridesmaids. Then a few months later I heard that she got married only a couple months after I did. She didn't even tell me! Of course she invited my mom, but didn't even tell me. I guess we weren't that good of friends after all. Oh well, I eventually got over that one. Well, sort of. A couple times a year I get an email from her saying, "Hey, where are you now? I really want to get together but you move so much (being in the Army) that I can't ever keep track of where you! What's your email? Address? Phone?" I've always written her back saying "Yes, I'd love that!!" Mostly because I just HATE feeling angry. It hurts my soul and I don't like to hurt or be angry with ANYONE especially when I know the other person couldn't give a flip if it hurt me or not. I mean, come on. If I can forgive Mallory, could I not forgive my "best friend"??? Well, the frustrating part about the stupid emails she'd send was that obviously if she had me email she could get ahold of me anytime she actually wanted to. It hasn't changed since 8th grade and probably won't. And my phone number hasn't changed in 6 years so I'm pretty sure she could have found it if she really wanted to. (Oh and btw, she never responded to any of the emails after I wrote her back.) Anyway, that doesn't really matter. I decided that I wasn't going to be upset about it anymore. It's been years and I didn't want to hold on to a friendship that apparently has been gone since like 5th grade. For some reason I thought we'd be friends forever. That's what the bracelets say at least. I remember when she moved, I got two pairs of earrings. One set of J's and one set of K's and we both kept a J and a K. Hmmmm, so much for that. Well, I digress. I got to thinking about her a lot for some reason and I really just wanted to pick up the phone and call her. Not email, not text, not myspace. A real phone call. I didn't really want to put myself out there like that though so I didn't. The feeling kept coming back to me for DAYS. I really needed to call her! So I called my mom to get her mom's number to get her number. She how easy that was? All she had to do was make 2 phone calls to get to me if she REALLY wanted to talk to me. Well, when I was talking to my mom she said that the reason she hadn't gotten back to me was probably because she was having a really rough time in her marriage. And now they were getting divorced. Well, I still wanted to call her but I didn't want her to think I was only calling because I had heard about her marriage. When I called her mom to get her number she said, she wouldn't think that, and I should call her anyway. "She'd really like that," her mom said. SO, I called her. She didn't answer. I didn't figure she would because it was a strange number so I left her a message. I also sent her a text and I think even a message on myspace. Then I gave her a couple days and called her back. Then a couple more and tried one more time. I didn't leave messages this time. Then I called it quits for good. I had been doing really well and I haven't even thought about her in probably the last year. Well, of course I've thought about her. But, It wasn't a "hurt" thought, like before. Well, today I saw an envelope on the counter from her parents. I knew what it was. My mom got her second wedding invitation with of course an adorable picture. My first thought (and second and third.....) was to rip up the invitation and burn the picture and not even tell my mom it came. (Yes, I opened it.) It was such a horrifying thought for me!! I've NEVER experienced that kind of....well....hatred almost. Could she not just let me be?!?!?! I know she didn't even know I would be the one opening the invitation so of course she didn't know she was hurting me but I felt it just the same. Of course I tossed those feelings aside because they were so foreign and ugly to me I didn't want to entertain them in my thoughts. I left the invitation there for my mom. When my mom got home I showed it to her and asked her if we could throw it away and pretend we never got it because it bothered me so much. Yes, I know how I sound. I sound crazy. For some reason she can just do it to me. Well, my mom didn't throw it away. In fact she asked me this morning (Im writing this the following Saturday) if I wanted to go to the reception. I guess its only a few hours away and next weekend. She tried to make me feel better by saying that maybe my announcement was sent to Virginia and it would take awhile to get forwarded to me. As much as I'd love to think that, we all know it's not coming. I told her I wasn't invited and I wasn't going to crash her reception when she obviously didn't want me there. My mom legitamately asked me if she knew how I felt. She probably doesn't but I don't think it really matters. You don't treat people that way. Especially, your "friends." But, like I said before. I guess we haven't been friends for awhile. I'm 90% sure I was trying way harder than she was and as with any relationship, both people have to be in it.
Well, I didn't intend to rant about that but.....I did. I'm considering sending her a message and telling her how I feel but I think that would just open me up to more trauma. When she moved it was clearly harder on my than on her. Hmmmm, oh well. She has definately taught me how NOT to treat my "friends." I know it sounds really stupid but I'm sure everyone has something or someone that they have issue with. I know it isn't Christlike to hate and don't get me wrong. I definately do not hate her. I just really wish we could all "unknow" her. Unfortunately our moms are still really good friends so ultimately I don't think Ill ever "unknow" her. I wonder if it would be flattering to her that someone could love her so much that they would be this upset about her? Probably not. She'd just think i was crazy. And I probably am........Oh well.
Have a good life Julia and I hope I never hear about it! Seriously, I hope you do. And secretly, I want to hear all about it. And I definately want to see picutres of the beautiful babies you will have. I just don't want to have to hurt when I do hear about it. Guess it's not so secret now.
Wow, that sounds really rude. However, Thomas asked me if I was actually happy here in Panaca because he thought my posts were sugar coated. But nope! Im actually happy! No sugar coating here, as you can probably see from this post!!!
Cant cook rice!!! Livid!!! Julia is getting married again.
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