Today has been a very bad day. I have however, learned 3 very important lessons.
1. I don't care what 2 million people say. Maybe 2 million people are wrong.
2. No one should EVER be a single parent. By choice or by force.
3. I know why so many moms, "let themselves go." Although I completely disagree with the wording.
Ill explain.
1. I don't care what 2 million people say. Maybe 2 million people are wrong.
I stupidly decided that I need to get more sleep if I want to accomplish #3 and function in the "real world." It would be nice to get Emma on a schedule so I didn't have to rock her to sleep every night and every nap. It would be nice to not have to tip toe around the house. It would be nice to know that she might sleep longer than 15 min at a time without me going in to rock her again. It would be REALLY nice to put her to bed at 8 o'clock and get her up at 7. It would be nice to be able to do ANYTHING for myself. It would be nice to not have to get a babysitter so I can take a shower. It would be nice to update my blog without a baby in my lap or a toddler in my hair. Both of which are happening right now. It would also be nice to get Emma to stop "snacking." Eat more at once and not eat at night in the hopes that she might start sleeping thru it.
SO, I borrow a book that I've heard MANY people rave about. (Over 2 million people swear by it apparently.) It's called "On Becoming Baby Wise." I read the entire book. It was really good! The statistics were great, the schedule was ideal, and it seemed perfect for us. I was told that is wasn't the Ferber method (crying to sleep) so it sounded great! Unfortunately, when I put it into practise it was just that, the Ferber method. BUT, I gave it a shot. It started out great. Put Emma down for her nap and she cried a little but only for about 5 minutes. Very managable. However, she woke up after about 30 min, as usual. The book says to let them cry because its normal for them to wake up between sleep cycles especially at the beginning of the program. It also says if the cry for 15 minutes then to go calm them down and then lay her back down to go to sleep. Well, I did that. For over an hour before I finally gave up since it was time for her to eat again anyway and clearly the nap wasn't happening. I got her up, fed her and she immediately projectile vomited (at LEAST 5 feet) across the room. She has not held anything down since then. I calmed her down again. We played, took a bath, sang songs, and despite what the book says, she was hungry so I fed her again before putting her down for another nap. At this point it's 1645 and shes only slept maybe 30 minutes since 10 this morning. She ate, threw it all up and fell asleep. In my arms. NOT awake to cry herself to sleep like the book says (She didn't even sleep 15 minutes). Yesterday she took crappy naps but eventually took a 3 hour nap in the late afternoon. Today, she took crappy naps and now I can't even leave the room for 2 seconds without her freaking out. If I get more than about 2 feet from her she has a fit! She won't even let me lay her down after she's already asleep which is what we were doing before.
SO, my conclusion...2 million people CAN be wrong. There is only 1 Emma and I should not have taken her crappy, yet at least having 1 good nap but still waking 2-3 times a night for granted. Now I have a very cranky, sleepy, clingy baby. I think I am going to attempt to schedule because it was very good advice and made a lot of sense. Ill try to do the eat, play, sleep cycles like they say. And Ill definately try to get her to take all her feedings during the day so she "might" sleep thru the night. BUT, my baby will have her sleep prop called Mommy for as long as we both need her too. Yes, blah blah blah. I know the rules. The crying to sleep thing only lasts a few days and is totally worth it in the end. And THAT my friends, brings me to my next point....
2. No one should EVER be a single parent. By choice or by force.
ESPECIALLY with infants. Yes, we let Maddy cry it out. When Thomas was home and we'd exhausted every other option and against my better judgment. I didn't want to do it at all and Thomas and I fought the entire time. But, in the end it worked. It sucked. But, it worked. And that is the ONLY reason I even attempted it this time.
I learned today that someone like me cannot do the cry it out method. The ONLY reason I was able to do it with Maddy was because Thomas was there and he made me and he did it. HE calmed her after the time frames allowed. He did it. But, Im a "single" parent now and I dont have that support so its NOT happening. Im not sure what I'll do. I guess just be tired and attached to a kid all day and all night but I don't really know any other option.
Anyways, the worst part of the day was when I was trying to feed/console Emma after her tramatic non-nap, Maddy was making me crazy! She was on the bench behind the chair with this plastic piggy bank of Barney Rubble that Mason has had since childhood. Anyways, she was making it "climb" over the couch and kept hitting me in the head in the process. I yelled, yes yelled at her many times to stop until I finally grabbed the dang thing with the "wrong (left)" hand and apparently did NOT have a good enough grib. When I pulled it forward it was slow mo, like in the movies, as it flew across the room and hit a chest of drawers just right to bust it. I think its gluable but that's not the point. If I only had a few things from when I was a child I would be pretty upset if someone broke one of them just because they didn't have the patience to assess the situation and take it away properly. And to make it worse, Mason is at a wrestling trny so I can't even tell him about it. :( I feel incredibly awful. It's just been a really REALLY rough day. I hope it's like the time a few months ago when I put a hole in James and Mistys pantry door. I was getting Maddy a snack right as James came in the door because they forgot something and the doors collided. I didn't notice it until he was already gone when I was putting the pretzels back. I stressed about it all day until they came home when James told me it happens all the time and not to worry about it. They just keep patching it! I know you can't patch an old Barney Rubble piggy bank but.....here's hoping!!
And finally...
3. I know why so many moms, "let themselves go."
I've decided that sometimes moms don't have a choice in their outward appearance. I have been trying for a week to go running and exercise. I have been running once and worked out today. Well, I attempted to work out but I was unsuccessful as I'm sure you could figure out why. SO, as much as I try to fix my hair and get dressed in the morning and take care of my body and eat right. I end up pulling my hair into a pony tail, putting on my pjs because my "outfit" got to soaked with puke, and only getting about 10% from my workout. *sigh* Well, at least one of us will look good by the time Thomas comes home. I HIGHLY doubt it will be me though. :(
Oh, and funny thing from Ms Maddy. (She has actually been pretty amazing thru all this.) When I get her dressed in the morning she brings me the comb and hair ties and tells me how she wants her hair fixed for that particular day. :) It's usually floppy puppy ears but sometimes she wants a little pony tail or a big pony tail and on rare occasions, a braid. I love my girlies so much. And despite my day, I know it is not Emmas fault and she amazes me everyday. I love her so much. She is almost rolling. She'd probably do it but I dont let her "practise" except when Thomas is on webcam. I want him to see as many "firsts" as possible.
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