Our zero day started at 0330 when I had to take Thomas to first formation. Luckily grandma was in town so I didn't have to wake the girls up. I don't think any of us got much sleep though. You try really hard to pretend tomorrow never comes but...it does. The families had to be at the going away ceremony at 1000. It was a rainy, drizzly, yucky day. Fit the mood perfectly. It was very hard to keep my composure when you walk in and see a thousand red, wet faces. If you've ever had a desire to see a grown man break down in tears (although I don't know why you would) just go to a deployment ceremony. I know in the grand scheme of things a year is a blink of an eye. But in the moment, a year of 5 minute phone calls and no physical emotions is difficult to face. Many soldiers are leaving pregnant wives and won't be making it to their childrens birth. Some are leaving newborn babies, toddlers, tweens, and teens. Some our dual military and are leaving their babies to be raised by grandparents. ALL are leaving the ones they love. 90% of the people my children see on a regular basis will be gone after today.
We arrived at the ceremony just as the soldiers were being released to have a few minute of family time before it began. Thomas did a little chasing Maddy and Emma slept thru most of it. Then they were called to formation. The soldiers marched in looking so formal. It reminded me of high school when the band plays at half time. They all march in, all lined up, and are secretly looking for their families out of the corner of their eyes while trying not to actually turn their head or run into the person in front of them. The rest of the ceremony was just like any other. A couple speakers we couldn't understand, mumbling from the podium. Then they marched back outside. Then they got released for a few more minutes of family time before getting on the buses. The hardest part about this day isn't saying goodbye. It's looking around and seeing the parents have to hold back babies who are crying for daddy. Mine had grandma so it was a little easier. She was very good at keeping Maddys attention. Although I did see her tear up a few times. I almost lost it when I saw Thomas' face all red and tearstained. His eyes were bloodshot but of course he wasn't crying. He just had something in his eye. ;) Tears, is my personal opinion. I fear that my girls will grow up not knowing how to show this emotion. I don't cry at these things because I don't feel like starting out the LONG journey that way. If I start, I won't stop. I really just tell myself that it normal and move on. I don't want my girls to grow up thinking that way. I was them to know its okay to be sad and to cry when daddy leaves even if I don't. I want them to know that Im sad inside too but I don't want them to see how affected I am by the whole thing. I want them to know we love them and Daddy will always be there. Sometimes a world away but he is there. I never expected to have to explain to my 2 year old that her Daddy WILL come back....eventually. She has no idea what a year is. I just say, "Daddy's at work." Hopefully this will work for awhile.
Alright, Ive gotten off topic. The rest of the day was pretty yucky. Madison went to play with the Chiles (Cullen and Owen) while Darla and I cleaned our apartment. Did I mention we were still in the process of moving? It was awful. God bless Mary though because she managed to see Keegan off, go home, shampoo her carpet, and babysit for me all within hours of saying goodbye! Shes amazing. She just says shes bored but I say amazing. Finally we just went to bed. YAY!
No comments:
Post a Comment