I yell at my kids.
Two weeks ago, I left Avery coloring in the family room while I went to the kitchen to make coffee. Exactly 90 seconds later, I returned to find her limbs covered in ballpoint pen -- as was our beige sofa. I snapped, snatched a sponge, and scolded her loudly enough for the neighbors to hear. As her face crumpled into tears, I immediately felt awful too. She'll be scarred for life, I thought, especially if that black ink doesn't come off her arms. (It did.)
GIVE UP THE GUILT "We all lose our temper with our children from time to time," says Michael Thompson, Ph.D., a psychologist in Arlington, Massachusetts, and author of It's a Boy! Understanding Your Son's Development From Birth to Age 18. The good news? Blowing your stack once in a while can actually be a good thing: "Children need to see that parents aren't perfect," says Dr. Thompson. Yay to that!
MAKE IT BETTER "If you do lose your temper, give your child an apology and a brief explanation later," says Nell Gibbon, a psychotherapist and founder of Village Parenting and Counseling, in New York City. Going forward, try to stop things from escalating by allowing yourself a brief time-out. If possible, close your eyes and take slow, cleansing breaths for a minute -- not only will you feel calmer, you'll also be modeling self-soothing for your child. If she sees you deal with your anger this way, she'll start to use it as a technique when she feels mad or frustrated.
This is my life today. It's been a rough day. It's no secret that my rock of a marriage has been falling a bit short lately. Being homeless and having your pay cut in half (then having the other half mistakenly taken from you!) can take it's tole. I'd like to think we've done pretty good so far. It was rough for awhile. I got pretty depressed with no friends, no home, no money, and no way to entertain the munchkins and probably did a bit more yelling than I should have. Well, I've finally found amazing friends, and a semi decent routine (yes, our furniture has been here for a few weeks now) but the stress has shifted. The finances aren't getting easier, if people would quit making mistakes in his pay I may not be so stressed out; and the ones getting yelled at are mommy and daddy. To the point of packing up and driving to St Louis to get away from the stress. Of course I would never leave my husband and quickly retracted that. The girls are fully aware of the situation we are in lately. They hear Tom and I screaming at each other about it ALL the time. :( We've never fought like this before. Especially not in front of our kids. So now what? Get the pay fixed first of all, eat the overdrafts, and go apologize to my girls. They deserve better than this. Be better tomorrow, move on and trust in the Lord.
Say a little prayer for me as I got apologize to a 2 and 4 yr old. : / Wow, I'm such a good example.
Unfortunately, I'm still clueless on the marriage portion. We are in serious need of a date night and the temple I think.
:(
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